How Choosing Calm started...

Choosing Calm

The idea for Choosing Calm began on a day like any other – which may be exactly why I had the realisation that things needed to change. Or, to be more accurate, I realised that I needed to change. Yes, Me.

On that day I did many of the things that I usually do on any given day. These are things most people in the Western world would be familiar with. My life may even sound a lot like yours – it probably is.

On that day: I dropped the kids at school, went to work, spoke to people, got a few things done, ate various foods, took a walk, came home, made dinner, organised the kids for tomorrow, went to soccer practice with my daughter, drank tea and chatted with my husband, settled the kids into bed, did more work and went to bed again.  It wasn’t unpleasant, nor was it particularly difficult.

It looks and sounds like an ordinary life with an average family going through a normal day of work, rest and play.

Home is a white weatherboard cottage in a semi-rural area with a veggie patch, fresh air, beautiful tall trees and lovely views.  In the pretty little house you will find 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, two living areas, various computers, books, toys, a dog and a cat, life souvenirs, art work… All these things belong to the husband and wife, and two children (a boy and a girl). We are healthy. Recently when I visited the doctor for a routine check I did not tick any of the health issues boxes. For our age my husband and myself enjoy a good level of fitness. The kids are well and happy.

There is more food in the cupboard and in the fridge than we need. There are more rooms in the house than necessary. Our cupboards have many clothes and shoes we barely or never wear. We have more than we need. It is a charmed existence. But....
Lurking not far beneath the surface was something darker. Something that makes me think of Maurice Sendak’s Wild Things. But not so cute.

It is a typical profile of a fairly spoilt Australian family with everything they need.

So why the sudden stress attacks at 3 in the morning? Why the griping and the underlying sense of dissatisfaction. It seems ungrateful and really picky to be anything but completely satisfied with this life. Actually I feel guilty for being unhappy in any way. But in conversation with other people in similar positions and in studying the international surveys on happiness levels and life satisfaction, it appears I’m not alone in wondering what’s missing.

Waking suddenly with the early morning horrors had become habitual for me. I wasn’t sure how long it had gone on for but on this day, it seemed it had gone on long enough. It was very clear that I could not continue like this. My days often felt directionless and unsatisfying. There was always more to do but I sometimes wondered if I ought to be doing any of it.  I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly but I felt an ongoing sense of unease.

On this day as I awoke jangled and weary, I stuck my pyjamas under my pillow and looked forward to the moment I would be putting them on again. 'That’s ridiculous!' I thought. 'I’m wishing my day away. Which is a step towards the bigger malaise of wishing my life away.'
For quite some time now, I’ve been very committed to the idea that this is a precious and wonderful existence. What had happened to my gratitude for it? I clearly remembered feeling that way. Not so long ago things felt very different.  I used to smile more. I felt lighter and brighter than this. I felt lucky, blessed. I was less irritable, more comfortable, more willing to accept things and people as they were.

So I realised it was possible for me to feel not only different but better than this. I knew I had done so in the past. Therefore I also knew that I could feel that way again – positive, grateful, refreshed, excited, adventurous, happy.

One thing that struck me, though, was the conviction that if I was to feel that way again, I had some work to do. I had a strong sense that I would not feel better without making the effort.

So I set my sights on a possibility. The possibility was that I could reduce my stress. But rather than push a negative away, I wanted to draw a positive towards me. And the word, the idea, the state of being I felt strongly attracted to was .... calm.

How could I be more calm? How was I going to restore my state of being to one of satisfaction or fulfillment? I began to consider all the things that can create peace in this life. I started to get excited about the idea of a project that would explore ways of creating calm.

Then, already, I had to revise that idea. Creating calm sounded too much like a striving – the sort of effort that could easily drive calm away rather than encourage it to manifest. If I had to create calm I would probably end up feeling stressed about it!
So I considered the concept of choosing calm. And I set out on a mission to research and explore how I can practice choosing calm each day in every area of my life. I felt better already.