Calm with Kids

One of the times when I most want to be calm - and least often achieve it - is with my children.
Earlier today I  pondered this as I watched a mother wrangling her toddler at the supermarket checkout .
It was quite cute that she was explaining - at elaborate length and using very big words - what she wanted him to do as though he would a) understand and b) make a logical decision and c) comply.
Clearly he was tired, hungry or thirsty - or all of the above. And he was also two. Obviously she thought her little boy would break with tradition and stop behaving like a two year old. She was being very reasonable to start with. As it became clear that his behaviour was going in the opposite direction to the one she had so patiently and eloquently outlined, she became less patient and waaaay less eloquent.
It is such a luxury to watch other parents in their struggles. As I stood idly reading about the plight of Demi Moore and occasionally tuning in to the stand off between mother and child, I was grateful it wasn't me in her place. (Both in terms of the parent and poor Demi!).
Before I had children I would watch toddler tantrums and wonder why the parents didn't have a better handle on discipline. So lofty, so judgmental, so righteous - so wrong! Then my karma hit, via numerous publicly humiliating losses to my own tantrum-prone toddlers, and I finally got it. These small people have minds of their own and a Napoleon complex.
As a parent I have to bend. And not throw tantrums back at my children. It's not easy. Sometimes it is impossible. But I aim to be a calm parent for many reasons, not the least of which is that I don't want to model shouty behaviour that my kids will - inevitably - imitate. If I join in we all just get louder. It's pointless. It's calm shattering. And it's quite silly to watch.
My children are no longer toddlers but we still have our fractious moments.
So I offer an understanding smile to the mum in the supermarket and give the following advice to myself (since I know she would not have appreciated it!)

TOP TEN CALM CAPSULES WITH KIDS
1. They are only little
2. This will all be over very soon
3. Don't get sucked into their drama - they can shout louder than you and tolerate more public humiliation
4. There's no such thing as a perfect parent - or child! Don't take it personally
5. BREATH. Breath slowly, then breath again.
6. Apologise afterwards if you do blow it; even if you were right that's no excuse for behaving badly
7. Say positive things more than negative things - at a ratio of 5:1 (Google John Gottman)
8. Speak low and use very few words - less is more
9. If all reasoning (and bribery) fails, abandon the errand and quickly go home
10. Reward with chocolate - for you, that is!