Christmas Calm - Santa Sanity

Okay, so Christmas isn't the most calming time of the year, but there are a few things that can help to minimise the stress. 

I'm going to make this brief because I need to take time out to relax!

The big pressure points are money and time.

Let's start with MONEY. A few golden rules: 

** Stick to a budget. It's easy to get carried away when you get out there in the Christmas scrum.

** Agree to Kris Kringle in your family or friendship group so each person only buys a present for one other person. My family does this by putting the names in a hat and drawing who you buy for. We set a dollar limit and it works. Each person gets a gift and it is something they want and we don't all have to go out and buy tons of stuff for each other. Such a relief. Brilliant!

**  Buy stuff in sales through the year and stash it away. 

Christine Cashen - captures how some of us feel at Christmas!

** Don't upgrade or get sidetracked with extra functions/features. For example my husband wanted a dock for his i-gadget. I found a good one and then got side tracked and ended up looking at multi function centres with much, much bigger price tags. Then I remembered "What am I here for?" He wanted a dock so he could amplify his music. I got a basic model with good sound for a sensible price. Done.

** Forget about what other people are getting. Most of the time they just have bigger credit card debt, it doesn't mean they have a better life than you do or happier kids!

** Condition the kids beforehand so they have reasonable expectations. If they make a list, work with them to keep it realistic so the Christmas day isn't ruined by a major disappointment.

And how about TIME?

** Make the food simple. In my family we each contribute to the banquet. It's easier than one person doing it all each year. Nobody ends up exhausted and everyone likes the food.

** Think about splitting Christmas day into two. We stay home Christmas Day and the kids open their presents in a relaxed way. It is a lovely quiet day that lets them appreciate their gifts and allows us all to relax after an early start. Then we go for family Christmas on Boxing Day. Lovely. This business of overloading the schedule, families rushing around all corners of the state to see other parts of the family, kids being dragged about with exhausted parents.... what's it all for?

** Shop when nobody else is shopping and try to shop where nobody else is shopping. The big shopping centres are often very stressful - no parking, lots of queues, too many options. Shop local and support the family traders in your community. If you do have to visit major shopping centres (and it is hard to avoid, I know) - get in early, get out fast, stay focused.

** Do not go shopping with friends. It is usually best to shop alone.

Remember to eat before you shop. Make sure you have a list. Stick to the budget. Only buy what you need.

Let's re-engineer our Christmas for greater calm.

Wishing you a peaceful and serene festive season. XX

Finding a quiet place...

One of my intentions for the Choosing Calm project was to choose a set of exercises that I could perform regularly as part of an ongoing commitment to calm. 

So far, Deep Breathing has been a favourite practice. Coming a close second is the Mindful Walk. 

Sometimes I don't feel like going for a 'real walk' so I just stroll up and down our driveway. That's a fine thing to do.

Birds Land Reserve, Belgrave South

Taking a Mindful Walk in a Peaceful Place is another calming activity - although less so when you are accompanied by a small dog with an urgent need to mark territory every 5 steps, as was the case today. Regardless of the dictatorial dog, I enjoyed my walk. 

When I told Reuben - my son, age 7 - where I was going for my walk he made a great suggestion. "Don't just go around the path. When you get just inside the start there is a little path in the trees and if you go down there you can watch the river." 

So I took his advice. It was nice to stand by the river in the quiet place and listen to the water running over the rocks. Thanks Reuben.

If you are looking for calm, some places make it easier to find it.

Calm Capsules:
1. A calm place makes it easier to choose calm
2. Children have the best ideas for finding small quiet places

Would you rather be fighting a lion?

Are we stressed in today's society? Of course we are. But the important thing to remember is that all animals, including ourselves, are confronted with innumerable types of stress and always have been. We should ignore the incessant mantra of ours being the Age of Stress and put things in a more historical and evolutionary perspective.

Given the choice, who wouldn't prefer the aggravation of two working parents getting their kids off to day care or school on time to the dread of being eaten in one's sleep by a lion? Psychology Today

Conversations with other people over the past few days have provided some crystal clear insights for me. Some of which have been uncomfortable - which helps motivate me to change! Put simply, I've been reminded of my own good fortune. This has put my stuff into perspective. My complaints and issues have been returned to their right size.

Not only do I live in an age and time that is easier - in so many respects - than any other point in history but I also live in a country and at a standard that is incredibly privileged. 

Largely through my own doing, life can get hectic. This is most often because I choose to do too much. Why? Lots of reasons...  Because I am addicted to busy-ness. Because I want more. Because I want to look good. Because I don't consciously choose to think about how I spend my time. Because I say yes when I need to say no..... 

So, in addition to getting real and recognising that my life is blessed, from an evolutionary and historical point of view as well as from a personal perspective, I can also take responsibility and reduce the stress that is causing me pain. It is by virtue of the fact I live at this point in history and evolution that I have so many choices. I can choose how busy I want to be. That's worth remembering.

"You are a free person and you can choose how busy you want to be. Freely choosing to resist the urge to busy-ness is the frame of mind you need before you can take any steps towards finding sanctuary."  

Christopher Jamison, Abbott of Worth Finding Sanctuary Monastic Steps for Everyday Life page 17

Calm Capsules - mental notes to self:

1. Lucky I don't have to fight any lions today.

2. Resist the urge to busy-ness.

Serenity Now!

This cartoon is from http://www.savagechickens.com/
Pretty much sums it up for me. Being preoccupied with getting something is that it often remains out of reach. Calm seems to me to be like a timid creature (or a poorly trained dog like the one I live with) the more you run after it the more elusive it becomes. So I'm starting this project with an approach that is quiet and still. The hope is that calm will come and sit in my lap. I've set the intention and I'm also taking action but maybe I will have more success if I start by realising that calm is probably going to be a visitor rather than a constant presence. Softly, softly.