Choosing what matters

Feeling stressed? Just thinking about the fact that a clash in what we now call "personal values" and my own actions can result in lots of pain - leading to stress, which is the opposite of calm.
This is stating the obvious I know. But how often do I get to this point and then remind myself of the fact that it is indeed the obvious that I have overlooked. Again.
At least I can take a shortcut through the questions I could ask myself about what might be wrong and go straight to the question "Am I doing what matters?"

Over lunch recently a friend outlined her guilt and how it turns up when she is working and not spending time with her son, but it turns up again when she is with her son because she thinks she 'ought' to be working. That's a no win situation.
My difficulty is a little different. I tend to get caught up in the feeling that I am not getting enough done or that the quality of what I am doing is not good enough. The easy way to break this circuit is to stop doing anything. Break it up by doing something else. Then write a list of what has to be done. Ask: what is really important? What needs to happen? What really matters? Then decide on the top 3 and then cross of number three. That leaves 2 things to do. Put them in order, do them, try to do them well and then let it go.
Either way, for my friend's dilemma and my own, a little bit of time in the sandpit is a great idea!
The takeout is: A calm life comes from doing what matters.
ps To my friend I send a gentle reminder that nobody lies on their death bed wishing they spent more time at the office. Kids count. They are with us for a very short time, make it special, pay attention, don't miss the experience of being a parent.